to anyone who might have ever sent me an email. I might not have ever gotten it. Seems my brooklyngirl email forwarding was only working sporadically, so it wasn't obvious to me that anything was wrong. yay! If you wrote to me and I didn't write back, that might be why, or I might just not like you. fun, huh?

looking though a catalogue of nik-naks when I spotted Titanic salt and pepper shakers. basically it looks like a little sinking ship but the two smoke stacks contain the condiments. I looked online and found another model- this one is a full ship broken in half- one side salt, one side pepper.
The romantic movie, made for TV specials, salt and peppershakers...
The towers lend them selfs horrifically to such nonsense, how many people have to die and how much time has to pass for this not to be tacky?
On another note...
la!

ill timed junkmail
came with address and "missing you" stickers

This incident had sent me reeling back to the safety of childhood:
I found myself craving a session with a swing a see-saw and some monkey bars.
The first park disappointment happened when I dragged pepper to the park two blocks (give or take) from my house. All we found were diaper swings and those new fangled toddler safety jungle gyms that dont go more than 2 feet of the ground. booo!
bless my friends- Monica took me from park to park in an effort to ease my needs. Aarroonn joined us and was the perfect see to my saw. we ran around with wailing arms like half wits, then we all swang so high- amazing to feel the air on all your skin and that slight spell of dizziness setting in.
Never did find a set of old school monkey bars. Managed to hang upside down on a some monkey bar / jungle gym hybrid. and fall on my ass as well.
you have to live the life you have left, feel your flesh.
Last night I found myself at the gathering of the people in Williamsburg.
It was the first time I had left my neighborhood since Monday. Its been purely friends, family, beaches and parks up until then. Painful to see the skyline, but it was step one of easing back into 'normalcy'. Knew I had to return to work and needed a buffer. amazing to see more familiar

know when people say:
"if you knew you only had so many minutes left to live, what would you do"
did you have an answer for that?
did today change your mind?
I used to think- have some sex- go out happy- but it was completely the very last thing on my mind today- all I wanted was my mom and friends.

if anyone needs to get away for a bit,or has no place to go - i have a couch out in deep brooklyn - the air is cleanish, the birds are chirping, and the sun is shining. Its hard to believe im so close to such ruins.

ps. I just got back from brighton beach- walked over to the water all alone - spent a moment with the ebb and flow of the ocean, just me and the planet im standing on. looking out into dark nothingness and everythingness- very healing.

last night the boss asked me to please come in on time-
2:00 wasnt cuting it anymore
I woke up bright eyed and ready to go to work at 8:30
then I fell back asleep...
I dreamt my house was on fire.
woke up later and turned on the radio, thought for a moment I was still
asleep- the first plane had just crashed.
wishing for a peaceful resolution
for a while now ive been wondering if my life as i know it is a dream, or if im dead, or parhaps in a coma- its been too beautiful, up until today. I am ready to wake up.